Hopeless but hoping…

Hello loved ones, I hope and pray that you are all taking good care of yourselves and enjoying every breath life gives us as much as I do.

   Reality always kicks back

To be honest I really don’t know how I feel right now. Life has too much control over me at the moment, to the sense that everyday goes by without seeing it’s purpose or value because I literally don’t have something to do except the house chores.  Lately I have been feeling like I am breaking down a bit while confusion, anxiety and lot of burden is all over me. All caused by the things that are not going the way l have planned or I would love them too. Life have been so promising great things but in a blink of an eye thing have changed and that triggered so much question I have asked myself:

  • ‘Is this life I am living is really meant for me?
  • Why everything is taking a pause when I really need them to workout?
  • Is there anything that I am doing wrong or I am being pushed for things that I did wrong that I don’t know of?
  • Am I always going to need help in order for me to survive?Is all of this happening to me because of my sexuality?
  • If God has listened and answered all the prayers of others, why He is not listening and answering mine?’
My self-saboteur really got into me now and I wish a body can have a main-switch so that I can just switchoff for couple of months just to get away from everything. I feel like I need a recess from life.

Letting Go.

I am throughly honored that I was part of this wonderful endeavor in my life. It has showed me that whatever circumstances life may offer, everything is possible if you really put yourself into it.

It is a bittersweet moment that means no more income but is not always about money. This programme has unleash my working dynamics and allowed me to see the other side of who I am and the world. Letting go is not easy but when universe is saying so we have to cry, accept, heal, smile and move on.

Letting go
Release all
Doubt, worry and fear about a situation, person or outcome.

Be like a tree
Let it go very season
Letting go must become natural
Let go and move on.

Some people and things
Are not going to be meant for you, no matter how much you wish they were.

Some jobs and relationships
Won’t work out, no matter how much you hope they would. It’s okay for things not to work out.

You have to let go and move on.
Allow new beginnings to take over.
Things and people were meant to be with you, are with you.

Cleansing ceremony.

Traditional beer (Umqombothi)

Today is a cleansing ceremony for my Mom and she’s taking off mourning clothing after a year my Dad has gone.

Mom you honestly told me that there will be days like this were we celebrate things we have lost.

I truly believe and you are my world always.



Hello loved ones, my expectations is that each and every one of you is doing awesome as always and taking good control of everything that is happening to your life right now. I know you got this.
Thank you very much for love and sharing your lovely thoughts, creativity, art in words and in pictures. It does makes a great difference.

I must introduce you all to my second baby Remi.

You all meet Remi

Here are fourteen things I love about Remi:

I can tell Remi anything I want and I can assure you Remi won’t tell anyone.

I am always at peace when I’m around Remi. Our relationship is harmonious.

Taking care of Remi is one of the most meaningful things I have ever done in my life. Taking Remi to the light, cleaning and moderating moist.

Remi is growing so rapidly. We pledged that we are growing together.

I love Remi as much as Remi loves me.

I talk to Remi and Remi talks to me. Remi tells me when the sun is out.

Remi understand very well that here we are gender neutral and each of us can be whatever we want to be.

Aloe vera
Remi is one of the most healthy plants in the world.

I sometimes forget to take Remi outside early and I feel bad like I’m not ready to be Remi’s guardian. I do apologize for such situations Remi.

Remi gives me hope and sanity.

Remi is beautiful and simple.

I laugh and smile with my Remi.

We blog together. Remi is right next to me while I’m writing this post.

Two weeks
It is 14 days now since I had met Remi. To more days to come Remi.

Remi loves light.

I Am Here.


I am Queen and King.
I love who I am.
I know who I am.
I feel vulnerable and numb.
I don’t know what do but
I am here.

I compromise too much.
I doubt my instinctive.
I duly my principles.
I give genuine love without expecting it in return but
I am still here.

I vigil for merely hours.
I say I’m okay while I’m not.
I get vexed and do nothing about it.
I had rendezvous that don’t mean anything.

I intrude people and they don’t tell so because of power I may portray at that moment.
I am here